Seven of nine Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel writers picked the Brewers to win the NL Central; the other two went with the Cubs. One picked the Brewers to win the NL pennant; none chose the Cubs.

Six of seven Chicago Tribune writers picked the Cubs to win the NL Central; only Mike Downey picked the Brewers. Phil Rogers and Rick Morrissey think the Cubs will take the NL pennant; no Trib writers went with the Brewers.

This would be an apt demonstration of provincialism and partiality in the daily sporting press, if it weren't for the fact that those seven Milwaukee writers are imbeciles, and those six Chicago writers are dead on.

Go Cubs!

This week's list is both arcane and completely self-indulgent, since it is first and foremost a celebration of the fact that this is the 400th post in the lifespan of this site, which is about 396 posts more than I ever thought I could possibly write.

Here then, to honor Kosuke Fukudome, Brian Roberts, John McDonough, Marlon Byrd, Mary Anne from Gilligan's Island and all of the other individuals, who, for various reasons, inspired me to write something over the past 17 months, is a list of Cubs whose North Side careers ended with somewhere between 390 and 410 hits. (Halfway between 390 and 410 is 400, get it?)

1. Andre Rodgers (1961--64) 410 hits
   
2. Turner Barber (1917--22) 409 hits
   
3. Bob Dernier (1984--87) 404 hits
   
4. Doc Casey (1903--05) 395 hits 
   
5. Steve Ontiveros (1977-80) 394 hits
   
6. Rogers Hornsby (1929-32) 392 hits
   
7. Larry Bowa (1982--85) 391 hits

This is definitely the least illuminating Arcane Cubs List Of The Week in the history of ACLOTW's.

On the other hand, any table that could somehow make room for both Steve Ontiveros and Rogers Hornsby can't be completely without interest.

The Cubs have apparently gone 99 years without winning a World Series.

How did I miss this? And the media--where have they been on this story?

I'm blown away, but it's true.

Read it for yourself.

From Paul Sullivan on the Chicago Tribune baseball blog Wednesday afternoon:

Baltimore president of baseball operations Andy MacPhail told reporters in Ft. Lauderdale Wednesday that a Brian Roberts deal with the Cubs is off the table.

From Jeff Zrebiec, writing on the Baltimore Sun Web site Wednesday evening:

Orioles president of baseball operations Andy MacPhail acknowledged today that it's unlikely that Roberts will be traded before Monday's season opener against the Tampa Bay Rays at Camden Yards.

MacPhail has been in trade talks with the Chicago Cubs about Roberts for several months, but the talks stalled over the past week or so and it's a long shot that they'll heat back up any time soon, according to two industry sources.

Sullivan's no-trade report sounds more definitive and final than the story in the Sun, but either way it looks like Brian Roberts will be a Baltimore Oriole on Opening Day and very likely, until at least mid-season, when the O's could start shopping him to any then-contending teams inclined to deal with Non-Trader Andy...the Cubs, perhaps.

In other Cubs personnel news, Lou Piniella decided on the make-up of his bench: Mike Fontenot (884 OPS this Spring), Henry Blanco (912 OPS), Daryle Ward (10 RBI in 38 AB), Ronny Cedeno (14 hits this Spring; 6 for extra bases), and newly acquired Reed Johnson.

No, the name of Matt Murton is not on the list, and yes, the Cubs are hoping to trade him.

Explained Piniella:

"Murton's had a good spring. We like him. But we're going to carry 12 pitchers... If Matt's not here with us, I hope we can find a major-league job for him."

Three arguments in support of Lou Piniella's decision to name Jason Marquis part of the Cubs starting rotation on Monday:

-- He has pitched well this spring. Marquis has a 2.95 ERA in 18 innings this spring and retired 12 of 13 Padres during his start on Sunday..."Rotation Announcement Eve." Looks like his timing was good.

-- The Cubs are showcasing him in preparation for trading him. Along with Sean Gallagher, Ronny Cedeno, Donald Veal, Sean Marshall, Jose Ceda, Felix Pie, Tyler Colvin, Eric Patterson, Yosh Kowano, and Ronnie Woo-Woo, Marquis has been mentioned at various times in connection with Cubs' alleged efforts to land Brian Roberts from the Orioles.

-- Marquis is an effective early-season pitcher, so we might as well get a few good starts out of him before trading him or replacing him with an in-house alternative (e.g., Lieber or Marshall). In seven Major League seasons, Marquis's lifetime mark in 34 games (25 starts) in March or April is 11-7, with 104 striketouts, 68 walks (1.53 K:W ratio), and a 4.10 ERA.

In the other baseball months (over 228 games, 170 starts), Marquis is 57-54, with 557 K's, 360 walks (1.55 K:W ratio) and a 4.64 ERA.

Not as much of a difference as one might expect to see from a renowned "fast starter."

I'm hoping that the argument that dictated Piniella's decision was the second one.

I guess time--and Andy MacPhail--will tell.

It's not a decision on who will make up the five-man starting rotation. (After promising earlier in the week to unveil the rotation today, Lou Piniella said the announcement will now come Monday.)

It's not the official anointing of Kerry Wood as Cubs closer. (Again, stay tuned until Monday.)

It's not an answer to the question of who besides Felix Pie is capable of player center field. (Piniella says he doesn't currently have an answer; is he waiting for Jim Hendry to close a deal over the weekend?)

And the news is not that Piniella has settled confidently on a batting order. (He plans to do more experimenting, starting with Saturday's game against the White Sox, in which Kosuke Fukudome will get a chance to hit second, with Theriot leading off and Soriano, Ramirez, and Lee hitting 3-4-5.)

The big news is that apparently, Fukudome's nickname is "Fooky."

Cubs starter Rich Hill walked six Colorado Rockies in just an inning-and-a-third Thursday.

Acknowledging that a March Cactus League game does not a regular season contest make, here's how bad that is:

In the past 50 years of National League play, only three starting pitchers have walked more than six hitters in starts lasting 1 1/3 IP or less.

At the top of that list? Our closer-to-be Kerry Wood, who walked eight men in a 2000 start against the Cardinals.

Speaking of Wood, he displayed mid-season-quality, Roger Clemens-style surliness in his post-game interview Thursday, obviously angry at what he saw as alarmist reporting on his achy back and missed outing on Wednesday.

Wood pitched an inning today against the Rockies, giving up two hits and a run in one inning of work. Carrie Muskat at cubs.com explains what's next for Wood:

The next step depends on how Wood feels on Friday. He could throw in a Minor League game, possibly joining Carlos Zambrano who was slated to throw 85-90 pitches against the Athletics' Triple-A team, or he could throw one inning at Fitch Park against the Cubs' Minor Leaguers. If he can't go on Friday, then Wood would probably pitch Sunday and Monday for the requisite consecutive outings which the Cubs want to see before officially naming him as the closer. It's day to day.

With Lou Piniella planning to announce his five-man starting rotation by the end of this week, the three contenders for the two open slots have gone out of their way to make the boss's choice difficult.

On Tuesday, Jason Marquis allowed the Royals one run over five innings to lower his Cactus League ERA to 1.93 (in 14 innings pitched).

On Wednesday afternoon, Ryan Dempster bounced back from a nasty outing over the weekend to fan seven Oakland A's while allowing one hit in 5 1/3 shutout innings.

Finally, on Wednesday night in a split squad game, Jon Lieber gave up just one earned run in five innings against the Giants, lowering his spring ERA to 1.80 (with just 2 walks in 15 IP).

We all know the candidates' shortcomings--Marquis is a terrible second-half pitcher, Lieber is battling age while trying to come back from a significant injury, Dempster is hoping to recast himself as a starting pitcher after years in the bullpen and before that, years as a poor starting pitcher--but at the very least, the three have presented themselves to their manager in the best possible light.

I like Lieber and question his ability to contribute out of the bullpen; I don't much like Marquis and question his ability to contribute out of the bullpen; and I suppose I could live with seeing Dempster as the fifth guy (whether they call him #3 or #5, who cares?). A trade (of Marquis to Boston?) would simplify everything, but it doesn't seem likely that will happen before Lou's self-imposed announcement deadline on Friday.

From a press release sent to The Cub Reporter on Tuesday by a sports marketing company called Charity Hop:

"Chicago baseball legend Ernie Banks is launching his own wine labels with other members of the exclusive 500 Home Run Club, Mike Schmidt and Eddie Murray. The players will not profit a single dime. Instead, 100% of their proceeds will support their favorite charity. Proceeds from Ernie Banks 512 Chardonnay will support his Live Above & Beyond Foundation.

"All current 500 Home Run Club wines are produced by Eos Estate Winery out of Paso Robles, California. Expected retail per bottle of wine is $17."

The wine is supposed to be available in restaurants and retail stores in May.

As for the Ernie Banks Live Above & Beyond Foundation, I've never heard of it, but based on the press release, it sounds like a worthy organization, one that exists to help "eliminate prejudice, support programs that enhance neighborhoods and relieve discrimination among various age groups and races."

Not having tasted Ernie Banks 512 Chardonnay, I cannot vouch for the wine.

I will say, however, that when I hear the name "Mike Schmidt," the very first thing I think of is zinfandel...zinfandel and crying like a 7-year-old girl who just learned that her little brother fed her Barbie Doll to the trash compactor.

...often go awry. So we may be reminded as the Illinois Sports Facilities Authority prepares its bid to purchase The Friendly Confines from Tribune Company and its owner, Sam "The Grave Dancer" Zell.

Former Illinois Governor Jim Thompson, current head of the Illinois Sports Facilities Authority, appeared on WSCR radio Sunday morning and confirmed the state is about ready to lay its money on the table. Assuming the ISFA and Zell agree on a price, the state legislature and the City of Chicago (that's Mayor Daley to you and me) would then have to approve the deal.

Thompson also reiterated a point made in recent days by Chicago Cubs chairman, Crane Kenney, that the parties involved believe the people who would "benefit" from the sale of the ballpark to the State of Illinois and the ensuing rehabilitation should be the ones who bear the expense of that rehabbing.

The financial instrument that would allow this to happen, according to Thompson, is Sales Tax Increment Financing, the aptly nicknamed "STIF."

Here's how Ben Joravsky, writing in The Reader a couple of weeks ago, explained the concept:

Under the plan, the state would issue bonds to pay for rebuilding Wrigley, adding new skyboxes and club seats and constructing the parking garage and retail operation the Tribune Company had planned to build. Here’s the tricky part: sales taxes going to the city would be frozen and any increase in revenues spurred by the renovation would go to the state to repay its loans.

“The city would have to give up their share of the sales tax increment for the next 30 years,” Thompson said...

Clearly the state’s trying to bamboozle the public—it’s a variation on the spin the city puts on conventional TIFs, which freeze property tax revenues going into the pool for schools and parks and the like, sending increases to a discretionary fund controlled by the mayor. Just watch: Thompson will try to tell you that a sales tax increment doesn’t do any harm, the renovation will pay for itself.

Don’t let ’em fool you. Tax dollars spent to refurbish Wrigley are dollars that can’t be spent anywhere else. The needs of institutions like the schools and parks will have to be offset by service cuts or other tax hikes. As Zell likes to tell his employees, there’s no such thing as free lunch.

Funny--when I heard Thompson explain it on the radio Sunday morning, it all sounded like such a swell idea.

One other funny thing: Mayor Daley, who will surely bring his own agenda into any discussions of the Wrigley Field sale, is publicly questioning the viability of the whole idea.

"You talk to anybody dealing with schools, you talk to anyone dealing with the problem of gun violence in society," Daley said. "These are priorities. And I don’t think (a Wrigley sale) is one of the priorities in Springfield."

Update: Turns out everything you just read in this post about the political challenges faced by Sam Zell and Jim Thompson was an understatement. Tough going, fellows.

If you believe the rumors, the Cubs are continuing to talk to Texas about outfielder Marlon Byrd and may be talking to the Red Sox about Coco Crisp in their quest for that extra righthanded-hitting outfielder who can play all three OF positions.

The 30-year-old Byrd has had a miserable spring, hitting just .152 (5-for-33) and losing ground in his battle with David Murphy (11-for-28, .393) to win a starting spot in the Rangers outfield.

The 28-year-old Crisp has played in only two games this spring, sitting out the past 12 days owing to "tightness in both groins." As of Friday, Crisp remained hopeful he would be able to join his teammates on their flight to Tokyo next Wednesday. The Sox are scheduled to play two exhibition games against Japanese teams before opening the AL season, in Japan, against the A's on March 25th.

A side-by-side look at the two:

Byrd
6 yrs
517 games
.273 AVG
.334/.394/728
26 SB
355 K
137 BB

Crisp
6 yrs
665 games
.280 AVG
.329/.409/738
104 SB
371 K
195 BB

Last year, Byrd saw time in all three outfield positions for the Rangers, the majority of it in centerfield, where he turned 88.7% of the balls hit into his fielding zone into outs.

While patrolling center for the Red Sox, Crisp did even better, turning in a zone rating of 90.9%, which placed him fourth among AL centerfielders.

(Stats from The Hardball Times)

Wanting to move Alfonso Soriano out of the leadoff spot, where he might "feel pressured to run" and thereby risk re-aggravating hamstring and quadriceps injuries that troubled him in 2007, Cubs manager Lou Piniella slotted Ryan Theriot in the leadoff spot, had Soriano hitting second, and moved Kosuke Fukudome down to fifth for Thursday's Cactus League game against the Padres.

Theriot was 2-for-4, Soriano was 1-for-3, and Fukudome went 1-for-4 in the Cubs' 3-2 victory. That's a combined 4-for-11 with a walk and a run scored...and a victory. I guess that settles it. It's a good idea. Let's move on.

Seriously, if Alfonso Soriano is miscast as a leadoff man, his long swing and strikeout tendencies would seem to render him at least as much of a miscast in the two-hole.

Here is what Soriano told Carrie Muskat:

"I have to make a small adjustment hitting with somebody on base," Soriano said. "I want to be the same guy. Batting second is more hitting, and not really running so much."

He should get more RBI opportunities.

"I think batting second I can help the club more," he said.

The "experiment" is supposed to be temporary–how temporary would seem to be a function of how productive the new-look Cub lineup is.

---

Jason Marquis had his longest outing this Spring on Thursday, throwing four scoreless innings against the Padres.

According to Paul Sullivan in the Tribune, Marquis picked the right time to blank the Padres, since the HoHoKam Park stands were full of other teams' scouts.

One line of thinking is that Marquis could be of interest to the Red Sox, from whom the Cubs might like to pry Coco Crisp. The Red Sox pitching staff has been thinned by Curt Schilling's latest injury and more recently, Josh Beckett's back problems.

It was Schilling's injury, however, that caused the Sox to sign Bartolo Colon as a free agent. Colon also threw on Thursday, allowing one run in two innings but maybe more importantly, hitting 93 on the speed gun.

Maybe the Red Sox will decide they need double insurance and pursue Marquis also.

White Sox General Manager Kenny Williams, as quoted Wednesday by Jerry Crasnick at espn.com:

"Our fans don't care about injuries and other things that happened last season. It's all about what you do on the field. There's only one sports team in Chicago that will get a pass. I won't name them. But it ain't us.''

I don't know what Williams has against the Chicago Fire, but I think he should set aside his snarkiness and focus on improving his team until they're good enough to compete for third place in the AL Central.

This is the longest, most research-intensive thing I've written in a while, maybe since a paper on artificial intelligence for a freshman-year Philosophy class in college, which earned me a high 'B' even though I understood virtually none of my own words.

Hope you will take a look.

The same insidious curse that turned Steve McMichael into a boorish lunatic and rendered Ozzy Osbourne a mumbling self-parody, has now claimed the freedom and reputation of America's one-time sweetheart, the former Mary Ann of Gilligan's Island, Dawn Wells.

That's right--another Seventh-Inning Stretch Singer has fallen.

When will the madness end?

I'm glad the New York Times had room to write about Lou Piniella and the Cubs over the weekend, because today they've been really busy with other things.

Murray Chass's Sunday baseball column focused on Piniella's role as hitting guru for Asian imports Ichiro Suzuki and now, Kosuke Fukudome.

If you've had the chance to see Fukudome in any of the Cactus League games, you know that he invariably hits with his foot in the bucket, i.e., striding toward first base with his lead foot instead of stepping toward the pitcher, which we Americans were all taught to do from our first days in Little League.

Speaking of the Japanese players, Lou explains:

“They’re very disciplined hitters,” Piniella said. “They have great work habits, they have a unique style of hitting that isn’t taught in this country. They learned it through batting practice, their instruction and they use film. They have their own way of hitting.

“They stand a little closer to the plate than American hitters. When they stride, they don’t step toward the pitcher but more toward first base or third base, depending on whether they’re left-handed or right-handed. Their top stays stationary so they’re nice and square and their hands are steady when they hit.

“It’s a unique way of hitting, but it’s effective. Ichiro can hit the ball anywhere he wants. He can spray it to left, slap it to center, pull it to right.”

Comparing Ichiro and Fukudome directly, Piniella says...

"(Fukudome) looks more like a prototype American hitter than Ichiro when he first got here. They both hold their hands high, the bats up and down not flat. They stride away from the pitcher, they don’t stride to the pitcher, they stride between first base and second base so they clear their body.”

Piniella actually sees Fukudome as a cross between Ichiro and another countryman, Hideki Matsui of the Yankees. “(Fukudome is) not as fast as Ichiro and doesn’t have as much power as Matsui,” Piniella said.

In seven seasons with the Mariners, Ichiro has compiled 162-game averages of .333 AVG with an OBP/SLG/OPS line of .379/.437/816, averaging 10 HR and 39 stolen bases per season.

Matsui has played five seasons with the Yanks, compiling 162-game averages of .295 AVG with a line of .371/.485/856, 25 HR and 3 SB.

That means a true "cross" between Ichiro and Matsui would put together a .314 average with a .375/.461/836 line; 18 HR and 21 stolen bases.

Last year, Cub rightfielders hit .293 with a .375/.419/794 line and 12 HR.

So if these numbers play out, the Cubs would see an improvement over last year's production from Floyd, Jones, Murton, et al; nothing earthshaking, but an improvement nonetheless. That says nothing, of course, about the huge upside Fukudome is expected to deliver in the field.

And if Lou can provide a little dash of that guru magic...who knows how big a season Fukudome could be in for.

Zero: the number of home runs Daryle Ward hit for the Cubs in 52 plate appearances as a pinch hitter in 2007. (Ward's pinch home run was a key blow in the Cubs' 6-4 win over Seattle on Friday.)

Zero: the amount of interest that the Cubs showed this winter in free agent centerfielder Torii Hunter. (Hunter told buddy Derrek Lee that if the Cubs had asked, he would have been highly interested.)

Zero: how much Jose Ceda enhanced his chances of getting from Class "A" to the big leagues in one big jump by allowing five hits and four BB in just two innings this Spring. (Ceda was one of nine Cubs sent to the Minor League camp on Friday.)

Zero: the number of at-bats Alfonso Soriano has gotten in the last six days. (Soriano is scheduled to return to the Cubs lineup Saturday, just a week after fracturing his right middle finger during a fielding drill.)

Zero: the number of hits Ichiro has in ten AB so far this spring. (That's five fewer hits than Ichiro's countryman, Cubs rookie Kosuke Fukudome, has collected in Cactus League play.)

Zero: the likelihood that I will EVER set foot in U.S. Cellular Field to see the Chicago Cubs play a "home" game. (Note: every time Crane Kenney opens his mouth, bad things come out.)

What the hell?! Somebody stole our swagger, and I'm pretty sure I know who.

On Tuesday, Dusty Baker's new employer signed former Cub/Oriole Corey Patterson to a minor league contract. According to mlb.com, Baker, the ol' on-base-percentage discounter, "lobbied publicly for Cincinnati to sign a lefty-hitting leadoff hitter like Patterson or Kenny Lofton."

There's a difference, of course, between being a "leadoff hitter" and a guy who just happens to find his name in the first slot on his manager's lineup card. Lofton, with 7,929 lifetime plate appearances and a .371 OBP from the top spot is a LEADOFF HITTER; Patterson, with 711 leadoff plate appearances and a corresponding .299 OBP, is not.

Put another way--the Arcane Cubs List way--here are the players with the ten lowest cumulative on-base percentages and a minimum 3,000 plate appearances since 2001, Corey Patterson's first full season in the big leagues:

Brother, that's one ugly team picture.

In the interest of fairness to the Cubs, I should point out that the Alex Gonzalez listed is not the one who played here in Chicago. In the interest of denigrating the Cubs, I should point out that Brandon Inge, sitting there in the number 6 position on the list, was linked to the Cubs via trade rumor on Tuesday.

The 71 new season tickets available this year at Wrigley Field--the "CBOE Seats" named for the Chicago Board Options Exchange, their official sponsor--went up for auction on Monday and will remain so until March 13th.

The seats, which will be situated just past the Cubs dugout in what used to be the photographers pit, have been parceled out into one group of five, 12 groups of four, and nine pairs.

At this writing, a total of ten bids have been offered. The highest is a $75,000 offer for a group of four. I'll spare you the math: that works out to $18,750 per season ticket; a little more than $264 per seat, per game; approximately $263 more than my buddies and I used to pay, per seat, per game, to get into Wrigley Field to see the Cubs when we were kids, which has more than a little to do with the fact that we grew up loving the team and continue to do so even in our dotage.

In case you're wondering, yes, of course I'm going to make a bid. I have my eyes on Seats 1, 2, 3, and 4 in Row B, which have yet to draw any interest. Assuming those seats continue to go unnoticed by other bidders, my strategy is to wait until the last 10 or 15 seconds before the auction closes, then slip a $40 bid in just under the wire.

It worked with that Russian-made 16mm movie camera I bought six years ago on eBay, and I don't see why it shouldn't work just as well for me this time around.

The Cubs won their second game of the Spring on Monday, nearly coughing up a 6-2 ninth-inning lead against the Mariners, but holding on to win 6-5.

Jon Lieber was tagged for two runs and three hits in two innings of work as he returned to Cub pinstripes. Jeff Samardzija pitcher two scoreless relief innings and was credited with the victory.

At the plate, DH Jake Fox (double and a triple), Ronny Cedeno (3-for-5), and Ryan Theriot (2-for-3) led the way. Kosuke Fukudome went 0-for-2 and is now 1-for-7 in Cactus League play. Lou Piniella is considering letting Fukudome hit second to see if he is "more comfortable there."

Speaking of Fukudome, Chris Jaffe of the Hardball Times offered this note on Monday, which, in case you needed it, serves as a handy reminder of why the Cubs pursued the Japanese star so relentlessly over the winter:

"The 2007 Cubs had an historically large split between their righty and lefty bats. The former posted an impressive sOPS+ of 112, while the latter floundered at a replacement-level mark of 74.

"That 38-point edge in sOPS+ for right handers is the seventh-greatest in the last half century. In two-thirds of the team's at-bats, righties went .283/.345/.453 while their counterparts poked an ineffectual .248/.309/.358. Righties had an OPS similar to Miguel Tejada's 2007 while the southpaws hit as badly as Craig Biggio did in his swan song.

"Could be worse though—the 2005 Cubs had the fifth-biggest gap favoring righties."