On their regular sports wrapup show late Thursday night, Comcast Sportsnet Chicago reported that Aramis Ramirez has "fluid on the wrist," due, according to the Cubs training staff, to "the violence of his swing." Comcast says Ramirez will not be going on the DL, but will also not be back in the lineup until next Tuesday, when the Cubs return home to play the Reds.

No matter. Based on tonight's result, it's patently clear the Cubs have no need for A-Ram whatsoever.

In a shocking repudiation of baseball humidor science and an eye-raising reversal of their own, recent offensive impotence, the Cubs beat the Rockies with vigor and enthusiasm. Jacque Jones and Jason Kendall went a combined 7-for-10 with 6 RBI.

In addition, Colorado reliever and former Cub LaTroy Hawkins pitched a spotless ninth inning, which, taken together with the plate heroics of Jones and Kendall, elevated the evening from the ranks of the unlikely to the preposterous.