(Okay, I'll come clean. I stole that headline from The Sporting News. Back in the early and middle '70s, when I used to read the magazine faithfully, the weekly report on each MLB team would end with a series of notes introduced by a cute, distinctive little subhead, e.g., "Twin-klings" for the Twins notes, "A's Acorns" for Oakland A's notes, "Bruin Briefs" for the Cubs, etc. So yes, I plagiarized the headline. Don't tell the Clinton campaign!)

– The Cubs have complemented Ryan Theriot and Ronny Cedeno by adding a third member to the Light-Hitting Middle Infielders Club.

– For all the talk of Kerry Wood as closer, Lou Piniella says he is not even the leading candidate for the job right now.

– On last night's WGN Sports Central show, David Kaplan was interviewing Ryan Dempster, the Cubs' resident practical joker. Kaplan told Dempster if he needed inspiration before planning his next prank, he should check out this comic triumph from the Land of Phillie.

– There may be a new, mean-spirited, bald-headed guy calling the shots at Tribune Company, but some things remain the same: the Cubbies just can't get enough of that courtroom action.