What you are about to read is true:

• As I write this, the National League's highest batting average (.538) belongs to Jason Kendall.

• Corey Patterson, among the last free agents to find a home this past off-season, is tied for second in the NL with four home runs.

• Dusty Baker is thinking about how he might contribute to the long-term health of his young pitching phenoms.

• Those hateful St. Louis Cardinals, who were finally going to get their due this year and maybe just maybe experience life near the bottom of the NL Central, are sitting on top of it. And Kyle Lohse, who shared membership with Corey Patterson in the Please Won't Somebody Sign Me? Club this winter and early spring, didn't allow a run in his first 12 innings in Cardinal colors.
  

• The Miguel Cabrera-enhanced Tigers, who were going to slug it out with the Indians for the AL Central title, inflict terror on the rest of the American League, and put 1,000 runs on the board this season, are last in the AL in run-scoring, which has a lot to do with the fact that they also have the worst record in Major League Baseball.

• Carlos Zambrano, who was the losing pitcher in the Cubs' 5-3 defeat to the Phillies Friday night, has simply stopped walking people. After walking more men than any other NL pitcher in each of the last two seasons, Z has passed just two hitters in 19 2/3 IP this season. At that rate, assuming he pitches the same number of innings this season as he did in '07, he'll walk 22 men. Last year, he walked 101.

• Former Cub Cliff Floyd, who began life as a Tampa Bay Ray by collecting five hits in his first 15 at-bats including two home runs, has landed on the Disabled List.

If you've followed Cliff Floyd's career, that last item is probably not hard for you to believe.

On Thursday, the Cubs announced the hiring of Mark Riggins as their new Minor League pitching coordinator. For the past 29 years, Riggins has worked for the Cardinals organization, mostly in their minor league system.

In 1995, however, Riggins was Major League pitching coach in St. Louis under Joe Torre and Mike Jorgensen. That's the Joe Torre who formerly managed the Yankees and the post-season-challenged Alex Rodriguez, who will NOT be joining the Cubs in Mesa this spring or ever.

Among Riggins's credits is the vital role he played in helping to rehabilitate the big league career of pitcher-turned-outfielder Rick Ankiel, who, according to the New York Daily News this summer, received a massive supply of human growth hormone from a Florida clinic in 2004.

Ankiel denied then and he denies now that he knowingly broke any baseball rules...much like somebody else whose watermelon-sized head has been all over my television tonight and will surely continue to be, for weeks and weeks and weeks.

You're killing me today, Mark Riggins.

The Brewers are tickled pink that they’re on Curt Schilling’s Maybe List.

So are the Cardinals.

The Astros re-signed veteran catcher Brad Ausmus so he could back-up the guy the team actually wants to see behind the plate, J.R. Towles.

The Reds are bringing back Adam Dunn, Scott Hatteberg, Javier Valentin, and, if he’s willing to return for less money, “Everyday Eddie.”

And on Monday, the Pirates will have a new manager, whose name will be Trent Jewett (AAA Indianapolis manager), Joel Skinner (Indians third-base coach), John Russell (Class AAA Lehigh Valley manager), Dave Jauss (Dodgers bench coach; son of Chicago sportswriter, Bill Jauss) or Joey “The Biter” Cora.

If it’s Cora, the Pirates should immediately sign up a local dentist or orthodontist to some sort of sponsorship deal. I realize I have now broken the five-sentence promise, but it’s worth it to spread an old, never substantiated rumor about a member of the White Sox family.